Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I have occasionally been thinking, over the past two or three days, about what it must be like to be a toaster. I don't know why I decided to use 'toaster' as my object, and I haven't actually thought of anything definite about, or decided on, what it must be like to be a toaster. But, still:

I figure that for most of the time, for a toaster, it's just the same as most of the other time; that is, things don't change much, from moment to moment, for a toaster. A toaster can't look around at different things, or think about different things, or remember different things. But, at a given moment, which for a toaster is much like most other given moments, it must be lots of different things to be a toaster. It's metal, and plastic, and some electricity, and probably a lot of bread crumbs, and other things.

Now I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Because, while it may be one thing to be a piece of metal, or a bread crumb, it is definitely something different to be a toaster. I will call this, here, 'toaster-being'.

But, maybe, the reason for picking a toaster was something to some degree explicit in my own brain, because there's such an obvious point to make: lucky toasters get a minute of excitement every day! Or more! So, for a toaster, it's mostly just toaster-being, but then, at some point in the day (we don't have to assume that toasters have days for this to be valid syntax), there's sudden spring-loaded tension, tension, electricity coursing, heat, radiation of light, and then sudden tension release! It sounds exciting. I think this is why I picked 'toaster'.

Other suggestions on potential variations, or further specifications, on the general realm of toaster-being? I'm sure they exist. I might not think of them, though.


  1. It's so true, man. It's so real, what you said. Toasters, man.

  2. (sigh) Right now I wish I were a toaster. I'd love to be heating up some buttery buns....