Monday, February 13, 2006

No bananas

Theo: Where am I?

Nina: "Where you are today,
you will not be tomorrow,
neither yesterday."

Theo: What? Who are you?

Nina: I am your guide in this place, a place of ethereal wonder.

Theo: Yes, okay.

(Ms Sandy enters)

Ms Sandy: Nina, get back to the kitchen! Put your hat back on!

Nina: Yes, Ms Sandy. Here is your omelet, Sir.

(Nina leaves)

Theo: What is this... thing? It smells like eggs.

Ms Sandy: That, sir, is an omelet. It is in fact made from eggs.

Theo: Who are you? What is this place?

Ms Sandy: Tell me, Theo, have you ever heard of something called global isochrony?

Theo: What is that? Who is Theo?

Ms Sandy: In just a few minutes, the time will become seven o' clock. When that happens, you will understand everything. In the meantime, tell me what you know about global isochrony.

Theo: What is this thing? It smells like eggs. I would like some coffee.

Ms Sandy: Absolutely! Nina, immediately!

(Nina enters)

Nina: Yes Ms Sandy!

Ms Sandy: Our guest would like some coffee, ugly little Nina! Right away!

(Nina leaves)

Ms Sandy: Theo, that is an omelet. It is made from eggs, and cheese. Sometimes people put onions or other things inside. Yours is made only from eggs and cheese.

Theo: What are you talking about? Who are you? Where am I?

Ms Sandy: In 1884, in Washington DC, president Chester A. Arthur called an international conference to discuss a system of globally isochronous time. It was not legally binding or anything, of course, as there were at this time no international institutions such as the United Nations. It was just a good idea.

Theo: What am I doing? I taste eggs.

Ms Sandy: You are eating an omelet, Theo. How does it taste?

Theo: Where is my coffee?

(Nina enters)

Nina: Ms Sandy, hurry, there's been an accident in the kitchen! There's blood everywhere!

Ms Sandy: What? Theo, you wait here!

(Argo): Ye gods, not again!

(Ms Sandy leaves)

Theo: Who are you?

Nina: I am your ethereal muse, brought alongside to trade in cheese, wine, and slaves.

Theo: What are you talking about? Where am I?

Nina: You are in hell, Theo. You are in hell, and I am the devil. I'm here to torture you. Eat your eggs, and then I can continue with your treatment. Eat quickly, because-

Theo: Bellboy! Bring my coat!

(Bellboy enters)

Bellboy: Nina! Where is your hat? Ms Sandy will be angry if she sees you without it.

Nina: Ms Sandy and Argo are cleaning up a mess in the kitchen. You and I are free to do whatever we like.

Theo: Coat! Bring my bellboy!

Bellboy: Well, if you're not wearing your hat, I'm not wearing mine.

Nina: That's the spirit! Give Theo his coat, and we can sneak off for a little while.

(Nina and Bellboy leave)

Theo: President Arthur, what a man! Little did he know that one day global isochrony would be a basic and subliminal fact of human existence. Or maybe he did know it. We'll never know what he knew, or at least, we'll never know whether or not what we know is the same as what he knew. What a tremendous world.


  1. I like all the comments about the ethereal guide, etc. fun.

  2. that was really cool the one burnig question that i have is about isochrony and what is it?

  3. read on, dear Travis, to "How Things Get Out Of Sync".

  4. I just realized I haven't commented, as I read this for a third time (not in a row, and not on the same day).

    But the "I am your guide to this place, a place of ethereal wonder" line makes me giggle every time. Bravo!