Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Monday, December 20, 2004

I am only typing this out of a general, and rather painful, sense of obligation to my readers. I must tell you, I do not enjoy this. Six times this week already, and it being only a Monday, I have been stricken violently with paroxysmal drops in resistance. Today I dropped close to 15 kilohms, and the shock (quite literally I needn't remind you) was enough to destroy the last of my library. Tomorrow I plan to travel down to the Host Pile, where I can reinsulate enough to last me for at least another week. Enough of my problems. Now I will tell you what I think of the current political situation.

I have at least 20 spent batteries in my desk drawer. I am convinced that someday I will have a desparate need for voltage, and only a string of half-depleted AA batteries will meet that demand. If I line them up from end to end, I have at least 20 volts, more than enough to kill an uninsulated porcine bear. I can only imagine how much more I will need to accomplish future goals, including my reinstatement in the Parliament. However, I have set this imagining down on paper, and I am anxious to inform you, my steadfast supporters, of my current set of conclusions.

On December the 17th, there was a flood of calculation carried out by my convulsing fingers, and it ended with the following statement: (blidk + har) *dms^(sin( i Flont)). I can only surmise that I am intended to run for political office in the spring, with or without adequate voltage. However this statement was dampened somewhat by an earlier redefinition of the Flont constant at more than 4. Regardless, I must prepare my revision of the party platform, and hereby call a meeting of the Council of Counselors. You know who you are, and you cannot avoid this meeting. Bring warm clothes, a radiometer, and as many AA batteries as you can spare.

Finally, I have no choice but to sign this order, on my desk since Wednesday the 15th, instructing the 9th Battalion of the Wattic Resistance to close up shop on the East End. The Host Pile is perpetually inadequate and needs as many towels as possible. We can no longer afford to sell them off. My apologies to the 9BWR faculty, and my hopes are with you.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

there was insistence on part of the Michaels, so i felt i had to go along.
i'm sorry for this. i don't know what's wrong with me.



Thursday, October 06, 2005

Chocolate Cheesy Soup

Olfred: We was thinkin', Olbert, what was this thing we got here?

Olbert: We dunno, Olfred. Looks to us like somethin' square, like a box.

Olfred: We dunno, Olbert, looks to us like a table, or maybe a laser.

Olbert: Don' be silly, Olfred, lasers ain't square they's round.

Olfred: Ain't silly, Olbert, just cause all the lasers you seen have been round, don' mean they all got to be round. Anyway, might just be a table, that thing.

Olbert: Has it got a button or a switcher or somethin'?

Olfred: We don' see one, do we? Let's eat our lunch then.

Olbert: What kind o' sandwich you got there, Olfred?

Olfred: See, we started with three piece o' bread. Then, see, we get some cheese an' melt it real nice, and put it on the bread. Then-

Olbert: What kind o' bread you use?

Olfred: Then, see, we kill a chicken. Then, see, we got a nice melted cheese sandwich.

Olbert: What kind o' cheese you use?

Olfred: What kind o' sandwich you got there, then, Olbert?

Olbert: We made us a nice soup this mornin', Olfred. This is soup we're eatin'.

Olfred: Oh, we see. What you got in that soup, Olbert?

Olbert: We put a chocolate bar in it, and cooked it up real nice with some cheese. Oh, what's this button here? Olfred, we found the button!

Olfred: Ought we oughtta press it then ought?

Olbert: Ought. Wim foona iggle wiggle?

Olfred: Olbert, wim fonga woggle ongle? On foomy poobs, right ought, foom!

Olbert: Foom. Ought.

Monday, October 03, 2005


i found one of those chinese/pinyin typing programs! it's going to take some learning. i type things out in letters, like "nihao, wo jiao andrew", and as i type, i, um, deftly select the proper characters from a list (but i had to check over it with a translator first, because there are mistakes like "i am very Burma"), and so what comes out is "你好, 我 叫 andrew". but the program even knows what the most common words are, so i don't even have to choose sometimes!

我 现在 写 中文, 用 我的 电脑. 我 最近 学 中国话, 可是 我的 语法 不很好. 我 知道 一些 词, 可是 很少.

我 现在 认识 一个 中国人, 她 也 是 一个 学生 在 louisville大学. 她 是 从 上海. 我 要 说话 中文 跟 她, 可是 我 是 很羞涩. 我 喜欢 她, 可是 要是 她 喜欢 我, 不知道.

it only took me like 15 minutes to type this. the chinese part, i mean. that doesn't include the first 3 tries, where i kept deleting the whole thing trying to copy it to the spellchecker.
I have an idea. I should go around the lab, and my office, and probably my car, and my house with all the tables and drawers and things, and find all the paperclips which I've bent and twisted into funny shapes, and take pictures of them.

Then, I could take the pictures and resize them, and upload them to my ftp thingie, and then make a little presentation of them on my website thingie, here, where you're reading this.

Along with each picture, I could include some clever comment, like 'what does this one look like', because none of them look like anything except for weird squiggles of metal, and the comments would have to be clever or else they'd be extremely boring.

Following that, I could look for all the little scraps of paper that I've folded up into squares or accordions or little paper half-airplanes, and maybe take pictures of them, and them post them in a presentation like I outlined above except with paper scraps rather than paperclips, and including clever comments etc with each one.

The other day, this was Friday I think, I was at the post office with my friend the Korean girl who shares my office. She was writing her address to Seoul on a package, while I was pulling these long, skinny strips of newsprint out of a stack of school newspapers. Sometimes, I think, they get cut wrong, and there are double cuts along the tops, and you get these really long narrow strips of newsprint. So, I spent the next five minutes folding those strips into a really, really long paper accordion! It was amazing.

Come to think of it, I could devote this entire thingie to the little pieces of trash and the little random objects that I collect to play with at my desk while I sit here, typing or reading, working or wasting time. Particularly when I'm reading, and don't have anything to do with my fingers, I need to be twisting paperclips or spinning lightbulbs. Or, when someone comes to talk to me, sometimes I play with this BNC cable T-connector which should probably be over with the other BNC cables.

Also, sometimes I take things apart and can't put them together again, and so there are lots of little bits of broken instruments in and on my desk. Also, I keep all the dead batteries I find and put them in my desk drawer. I need to straighten my office. Maybe I'll do that this weekend. It's fall break. I will need something extracurricular to do.

No pictures.